I was sitting uncomfortably on the charter bus, like the Hunch Back himself, as we plow down the road back to Bangkok. We were at a rest stop. I looked out the window at a vacant concrete parking lot. My mind was wandering. What's new? isolated. angry. fireworks of accusation. disorder of thought. pointing fingers. not understanding. the enemy of my soul emphasizing imperfections running around teasing the healed parts. How many times do I have to put situations on the Altar for me to understand it is not my battle to fight? How many prayers does it take to realize His higher ways?! From behind me, hands press on the sore spots of my shoulder blades. Fingers move in pulsed circles. It was Carol, the 'cool mom'/teacher/massager/yoga instructor/friend who started giving me a thai massage. Instantly she could read my body language by how I held my upper body . As she lengthen my (already 'giraffe') neck and opened my shoulders to their healthy place of w...
This is for me #1 In the heat of a downward spiral, shameful thoughts, guilty thoughts, judgmental thoughts, blameful thoughts and emotional heaviness I was highly encouraged by Leigh to type a free flow, screw-editing typing exercise, in order to locate what it was that was crippling me... I feel guilty for unloading on Gail. I feel like I get attention with my emotions, I feel guilty for some of these high intensity emotions, sometimes I feel like I am being super genuine and other times see like right now I am judging what comes out of my mouth and its ridiculous and debilitiating or maybe im just thinking of what I want to say. I feel sad, deeply deeply sad, I feel like mom has no boundaries when it comes to understanding that that was weird for her to point out that Dad feels jealous about her family I feel tired and spacey I feel emotionally drained, I feel comfortable in this spot right now with the slight breeze and dusk lighting and ac on in the background, I feel...
In the span of a month I have purchased a Ukulele (really cool story behind the purchase. I'm too lazy to write about it) and learned a song via youtube. Props to the dude who created the tutorial to 'Stand By Me' by Ben E. King. Super basic and simple for beginners. A few weeks ago when I visited my Australian teacher friend we had the best, spontaneous time jammin'. She gave me some pointers and I introduced her to one of my all time favorite songs "You and I" by Ingrid Michaelson. Before I left for Thailand, a sister friend told me that when the going gets tough just keep strumming that uke. I have been challenged to create a song for my kids and sing it to them. Challenge accepted. I need accountability though. Will you hold me accountable? Peme brought in his toy guitar the second week. He is such a big help in the class and always wants to please the teachers. If I can inspire one 3 year old to learn how to play his instrument, I will s...
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