From Where I Stand

Just had a moment: sitting on my bedroom floor, indian style, hands cupped together covering my face, eyes closed muffled voice, What the heck am I doing....... deep exhale.  I am right where I need to be.  T-Minus FO days. ** Lord if I ever get comfortable come, please come and break my ignorance and/or my complacency. Be my refuge, daily, moment by moment. Show me all I truly have is You. 

The past few days, this weather has been out-of-this-world exceptional. It's a gift, really, knowing the finality of experiencing weather this nice and knowing that the weather in Thailand lacks the refreshing quality of Spring. Wouldn't want to embrace this weather any other way than by going to a good Ol' baseball game tomorrow :) T-Minus 6 Days ***specific prayers that the Lord will show me the value of community and family through a group of people or Thai family, specifically. Prayers for perseverance in connecting and communicating when I seek immersion into culture. 

Ya'll, as time in the states is fleeting faster than I want to admit, the holy spirit is constantly, overwhelming my heart and refining areas I thought were permanently wounded. - God closed a door on what I thought was a potential relationship  -reconciliation with a past relationship in the form of a phone call -sharing my testimony and being utterly vulnerable as voice shakes, has brought a voice and healing to another sister in christ -provision and pruning through out my walk with the Lord -boldness to say 'No' and stand firm with Holy confidence! -romans 5:5 all up in this heart of mine: the holy spirits protection and shield has been established!  -setting boundaries and gaining right relationship with family member -yeildedness to God's ways in family dynamics  -incredible women of faith who have been a source of mentorship an lordship in my life -constant prayer for combating loneliness when I get over to Thailand.  Prayers for this

Looking forward to throwing myself into something so much bigger than me.

Warning: abrupt graphic context. Last night I puked my brains out past the point of emptiness... That hasn't happened in eons.  Mr. Stomach bug's timeliness is ironic because I thought I would be getting sick in Thailand, adjusting to their food, not in the comfort of my own home with the food I'm used too... Lord are you preparing me for what I need to be prepared for, in the event of this happening overseas? If so then, so be it. -- Every time my mind wonders into the storm of my self-doubts or any crack of negativity or my ever-so-real insecurities and the whirl pool of fearful mistakes I form in my head that have no rational place to be, the Lord intercedes with holy assurance, support and encouragement. Even in the depths of my heavy doubts He reveals His sovereignty through unexpected actions and I am left utterly submitting to what is true and good and real. paused in awe. accepted the assured spirit. "And they went and woke him, saying, "

Today, I spent time with my sister touring the White House gardens and Paradise Springs Winery in Clifton. It was such a blessing to have quality time with Allie before I leave. Today, I sold my car. Wonda the Honda was officially handed over to a friend who needs her more than I do. Letting go of the car was liberation. Saying goodbye to my sister left me speechless; we held on longer than any other hug.   Today, I received a book on Thailand and journal from CIEE from the postman. Today, I had a pleasant conversation with the postman about the beginning of turkey season, picking cotton and farming beans. He shared about his upcoming trip to the family farm in the Shenandoah Valley. Today, I still feel like I have a thousand little things to do.  Today, I am one more day closer to embarking on a journey to Thailand where every fiber of my being has no choice but to take a leap of faith. You are either in or out!